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About Literature / Student Jesse Leo Lily RoseOther/United States Recent Activity
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It was over a decade ago. When you took my childhood. Stole my innocence in a blink of an eye. Robbed me of my ability to trust anyone.

How could you do that? How could you just defile a child like that? How could you live with yourself knowing what you did to me?

Did you even feel any regret? Did you not understand how wrong it was? Did you consider how I would spend countless nights blaming myself for the things you did to me. How I STILL feel like it was my fault. How I blame myself even though I know I shouldn't.

But you're dead now, so it doesn't matter now, does it? Prostate cancer. Karma is a bitch, isn't it? You deserved it, you sick bastard. Never had I rejoiced over a person dying than when you did.

I would've loved to kill you myself. I wanted you to feel pain. I wanted you to suffer. I wanted you to feel the agony I still feel to this day.

You're the reason I have a hard time making eye contact with people. You're the reason I'm afraid of men. You're the reason sexual encounters terrify me. You're the reason I'll never be normal. You're the reason I'm afraid of everything and I will never get over the things you've done to me. I'll never be the same. I'll never get my innocence back. And you are to blame.
I know it has been months. Despite the fact that it feels like decades. And I have never for a second had a moment without you in my head.

You used to be what I dreamed about. Now you grace my nightmares. You taunt me. Bending your finger to say: "Come hither," enticing me with your tantalizing smile.

That smile of yours. The smile that can bring men and women of any stature to their knees. They would easily confess their undying love to you. Just like I always had. So what made me different?

You chose me, Once upon a time. I belonged to you. I had no desire to belong anywhere other than in your arms. And the sound of your voice still echoes in my head. "I love you."

Three very powerful words. Words that have driven men to madness for centuries. Words that can make me lose myself in the ocean of your eyes. Those beautiful eyes that promise "tomorrow will be better." Your eyes always gave me hope.

I can't look into your eyes anymore. What have I to hope for? What can I grab onto and hold for dear life? You were my rock. And I am no solid mass. I am fluid traveling aimlessly in my own mind. You kept me grounded.

Who am I without you? Because before I met you, I was nobody and you turned me into a human capable of feeling. Now that you're gone, I can't feel anything. And every passing day brings more and more confusion. I'm lost without you. You were my home and I cant find my way back.
I found your name.

It was barely visible on my pale skin, where I carved it years ago, right where I left it. I did that when I lost you the first time.

I never thought that I'd keep losing you. That you'd keep slipping from my grasp everytime I got just a little bit too close. And every time I would extend my fingers to graze your skin, you were further than I had calculated.

I'm still reaching out. Do you see me? Can you hear my voice? Calling out your name. Echoing in the distance, like drops of water after a storm, dripping into a puddle.

Can you feel me? Can you feel my breath against your skin? On the back of your neck, where you once would get goosebumps at the warmth of my body.

I found your name. I had to look hard because my skin had healed in the span of all those years when I had all the hope in the world. That we were destined for one another. How I was bound to you and you to me and the rest of the world was just a blur of images that didn't make any sense to us, because we were all that mattered to eachother.

I found your name. It was a faded reminder of what used to be the meaning of my life. And I reopened that wound because I wanted to feel you on my skin again. I had forgotten what it felt like. And no matter how much I change with every passing year, no matter what life throws at me that one thing will never change.

Because I found your name. Right here on my skin. Clear as day. Dripping red with conviction. To remind me not to forget.

I found your name.
I currently have ten  baby dreadlocks at the base of my neck. Thanks to a conversation yesterday I feel like they look better than all the other ones I've done.
  • Listening to: Genesis by Grimes
  • Reading: The Argonauts by Eliza Orzeszkowa
  • Watching: Batman Begins
  • Playing: Guitar
  • Eating: Avocados
  • Drinking: Blueberry juice


Jesse Leo Lily Rose
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I'm a genderqueer pansexual, meaning I don't classify myself as male or female and I'm attracted to basically anyone despite their gender identity or orientation or anything else. Simply put I'm a HUMAN attracted to HUMANS. I don't have one definite religion, I have quite a few religions, which are too much to list. I like to keep my mind open, but i won't accept one religion over all others.

I'm sorry if I dont thank you if you fave one of my deviations. I don't have time to comment on EVERY faver's page, but I AM grateful. So I thank you in advance.

And I really dont want to ask. but, if you would like to give me some points i will gladly accept.

Here are some stamps that either express my views or I just find completely hilarious...

Zen Stamp by cejohnson356Proud Vegetarian by scaret:iconvegetarianstampplz::iconvegetarianstamp2plz:Vegetarian by anastasia-blackOn my bed by prosaixStop Flattering Yourself by endlerVegetarian by steffne:thumb273653720::iconimgoodinbed1plz::iconimgoodinbed2plz:Curiouser and Curiouser-Stamp- by cos1163Peace Stamp by morestarinatthestarsVegetarian Stamp by Naaya-NekoMake peace not war stamp by MissNooys-Resources:thumb307161135:DA Stamp - Peace 01 by tppgraphicsPro Vegetarian Stamp by bettenoir87Anti war Stamp by Sidarta<img width="99"

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WildflowerLovepotion Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, I know this is super belated but thanks for the fav! 
I super appreciate it! <33333
ThaTrollWhoEatsYou Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
No prob, Hon.
Pfefferschwarz Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Thanks so much for the +fav ! :D (Big Grin)
ThaTrollWhoEatsYou Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013  Student Writer
You're very welcome!
ThaTrollWhoEatsYou Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Student Writer
What a unique and lovely way to thank someone!
Fantasynerd Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for adding Dear Dad to your favourites.
ThaTrollWhoEatsYou Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome. It was beautiful. Best wishes for you and your father.
PyroShadow18 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
Thank you for adding If I could to your faves. I appreciate it.
Thank you.

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